Another aspect that the novice should enrich is his apostolic formation, both theoretical and practical. It deepens in the novice the sharing of the life of the Church, strengthens his missionary spirit and makes him feel the need to work in brotherly unity.

What is next after the Novitiate? It is the philosophical aspect of intellectual formation. I reached the equilibrium of the 10-year span journey. In other words, I reached the middle of the journey. The mind has to absorb all the different philosophies of great thinkers. What is Existentialism?, for instance. The mind querries the philosophy of living. I was never a good philosopher and so I focused my attention more to English subjects. This year I finished my Bacherlor of Arts, English major and Philosophy minor.

During this year, I began to doubt almost everything that I was doing . Do I really have that vocation? It was the year of misunderstandings, dislikes and disinterestedness. It was like a thermometer scale that was dropping. It was the year when I finally found out where I stood and where I was going. It was the turning point. I had doubts about my calling. It was stupid to continue without clear knowledge what I want to do. I must come with a clear answer, whether I would once again renew my vows of poverty, chastity and obdience. I doubted everything and questioned the authenticity of my vocation. It was almost two years that I had been observing my temporary vows, but what were these? Did they really mean something to me? Did I keep them faithfully and wholeheartedly? Everything I did was routine and I found no meaning. My superiors observed my passivity. They reminded me that the seminary seemed not to be my real place, and that I was not serious about it.

As my last stand, I decided to apply for the renewal of my temporary vows. I did it with doubts. But those doubts piled inside can be read like an open book. My superiors all along knew my insincerity. They must come with a verdict -- to let me go or to try me for another year. My vocation was at their hands and was awaiting for their decision. I believed they are mature and responsible holy people of God to give decisions. I trusted their authority and so I didn't question their decision to let me go.